Tuesday, November 9, 2010

losing a friend


"IN LA7ZEH MA5SOUSEH MAHO MAHTABE...BIDARAM YA INKE MIBINAM 5ABE..." pOUTA bAYATi (this second is special for qamar "moon" o shamse "sun", i am awake or i see she's sleeping"

"MA JAYEE MI5AM QADDE BOUSSE"- pOUYA bAYAti (i want a space in ur world the size of a small boos on ur cheeks amiguita....)

So I'm sure a lot of you guys know that losing a friend is very difficult, well I've lost both in life as she passed away رحمة الله عليك (Ra7matullah 3leik=Allah's mercy upon she), and also just as a 9a8r قهر (qahr donno how to say it in englisi but is kinda like when u get fight with somebody or just make yourself unavailable on purpose or turn u back on them cuz u want them to know u are hurt for some reason like stopping talking to that person that's called 9ahr... i hope it made sence kind of) as in she moved away and stopped being friends with me. I know everything happens for a reason. For example I am not upset that Allah SWT decided to take my friend away from this Donya, I mean ofcourse i was upset and cried about it the 1st few week and made tons of Do3a and still make دعا which means Prayer in engeliziyah. I cried but i cant be upset since she is in a better place Masha'Allah she was so Mo2mena mathhabi, it was her time to go and nobody or no one can argue that!! Na3am i cried Aiwa... but أنا أفهم "i understand" Ana Afahm, Allaho 3lem, Allah knows BEST! it doesnt matter how much we cry or be upset (which it wont help her the more ppl cry for she, the more she gets hurt in the maqbar-where she is suppose to rest in peace, but the more we cry we are following al-jahiliyyah جاهلية). Yes بلى i have her in my 9alb wa fekro 5ial kolle zaman. Wa  i know its difficult but i do apriciate everything Allah does , it was her time to go, ﺍﷲ ﻴﺭﺤﻣك (yar7amak Allah ya3ni Allah have mercy on u) ya3ni Allah Ra7matesh kone.  Ana a3lam وأنا أعلم >>> khoda biamorzatesh برحمته،ﺍﷲ ﻴﺭﺤﻣك, bera7mata...Allah Yar7amak: MAy Allah rest her in peace i think thats how u say it in englisi as a phrase.

But what is really bothering me is my friend who decided to move away without telling me and 9ahr with me for no reason. i don't understand, wallah!. honestly what went wrong. i got 3qd and had less time to hang out with she, and that's it she thought i was being 
bima3refat. 7eyfeh.... wa9ean 7eyf ....like what a waste of 11 yrs... wow...

 >>>>>>>>>>>>7eyfe un ruzaee k bi to be sar shod, 7eyfeh in omri k tanha 7adar shod<<<<<<< ya3ni 7eyf all those days we hanged out cuz 11 yrs is 7adar for this friendship...sistership cuz when i bond a sister we are sister 4EVER!  فهمت؟؟؟؟؟؟

u know i went visit Dubai, Oman, Ba7rain, Qatar, Abu Dhabi, 6e7ran. i was send her a SMS and i said look am going back to Persian Gulf and i might not come back wanna see me for i go?? and she just put "LOL" for those u who donno ya3ni laugh out loud . ...OK i was confused i said to myself i call she when  get back. i get back few months later and i write she a nother txt no reply i call no answer... i was always think about she and worried i asked ppl how she is.. anyway one day her cuzin's wife with her two little kids i see them i ask what happen "anonymous esm" and she say o she move away to "anonymous makan" ...my jaw drop. i was sooo SHOCKED ! i  was confused, i don't get it... why she no tell me this??? what i do... she tell everybody else. but not me.

i decide i call she's mama, i have she's phone ... ok i have she's celly as well. i call. she mama say oh hey hows it going its u!!! n "anonymous esm" moved to "anonymous makan" is been 2 months i said 2 months?!!?!?!? she said ya she start her shoghL in 2 days i say OK can i have she's ph# there?? and she mama gave me the # i call no answer i try call from direct my cell i thought maybe she don't recognize other# so still now answer. i decide i txt she i say " look "anonymous esm" if u don't pickin' up on purpose then ok but if u donno who it is is me women! pick up" i get a txt almost instantly (which was shocking since i called 3 x and no answer) n she say "sorry u got wrong #" and i knew i didn't cuz she mama repeated the # twice and i had it... after i realize ok she prolly even mad at she's mama that she gave me she's #. so i call she's mama again and again... and again.... ok ok.... no answer when she JUST picked UP!!! im talking about my friend's mom... ok ok.. got it...

but i couldn't let go just like that.. 11 yrs??? NO! i was in tears.. i go on my sister's MSN who lived abroad somewhere FAR away on a TINY but populated island. i said on there because my sister have she on there. i wrote a letter and literally poured my heart out how i felt as thought she betrayed me for not tell me she gone, and i was so hurt, and i didnt know what happen to us, since we use to hang out EVERYDAY and ok ok....anyways u get the point i said to she i will always be your friend no matter what i love u like my own sister. so whenever u feel like it since we need to talk is long over due now! call me here's my # AGAIN just in case u deleted it which i am sure u did.and here's my email ok. bye

literally 14 hours later she replies back : "LOL" again same thing Nada mas!!! in spanish "nothing more" oh my ALLAH!!! i was hurt even more... it took her 14 hours just to say that when she was online talking to all my sisters friends... ok ok... she don't care
she clearly made me understood and opened my eyes عيون my eyes are wide open her message is quite clear i was like a little bird freezing in the tree under the rain...how this happen??? maybe i over exaggerated our الصداقة -friendship is important to me i don't take it as a joke...

and i wrote back "wow am shocked! i am speechless! i write u a 10 paragraph letter pour my 9alb out to u and u send "LOL"  r u serious??? wow that was like a smack in the face shokran wallahe shokran....i am still remain ur friend not bi-ma3refat like u! (من دون المعرفة)

anyways i went home to my husband and cried my eye balls out!!! u have no idea... he didn't even know what to do and i felt bad that whole week i was stress and cried i lost a true friend. mira mira look look in Spanish we always said ya she originally (her family and all) from Guatemala. that's a huge clue on whoever reads this and has figured out who i am lol i wont disclose my identity since internet is CR8ZY i have bad experience ppl steals identities~!!! wallah be  careful is cr8zy!!! anywhoo that's another post. but we always called each other "Mi Amor" which is equivalent to ya3ni "ya 7bbti" in 3rabi or in engeliziya is "My Love" ....o well i guess friends come and go and whoever is not still running along and here with u beside u till death, they were never meant to be there cause ALLAHO 3LEM... i am not saying they weren't true friends. NO! i am saying they werent meant to be here at this makan da9ee9 at this zaman da9ee9.

but let me tell u how much Allah Loves me and how much am close to Allah SWT and how our رابطة & علاقة is . Wallah u have no idea, Al7mdulillah ... it is amazing.

let me tell u this. my friend "la guatemanteca" will call she since she is from Guatemala and she's a girl. that's how u say it in Spanish. oh i guess i haven't told y'all i am fluent in Spanish also :) it's one of my languages :) anywhoo... will explain later.back to the subject of "la Guatemanteca" she is a VIRGO girl. if y'all know Virgo u know they are true frnds untill something bothers them then they are gone.... thats what happen here, thas 3xaCt:L3Y what happen here. OK so I'm a Capricorn. dead on Capricorn and these 2 signs get along the best in the zodiac signs they like heavenly friendship :) so  i was sooooooooo upset u have no idea i cried that week alot.from the Sunday this happen till wed night... untill my phone rang....

OK i know u wont guess who it was cuz u donno me hahaha ها ها ها   but ill tell u who it was!!!!

it was a friend of mine a good friend but i havent talked to she in like sooooooooo many months u have no idea. she is also a VIRGO and very very similar to my la guatemanteca amiga ... really really confusing i kno i kno. but i jumped outta my canape. i was like "anonymous esm" why are u calling me something happen?? cuz we don't talk often actually NEVER on the phone we just use to see each other alot few yrs back .. anyways she was like no... i have nothing special to ask u, like i thought she had a favor to ask me or something or like something bad happen ya3ni she needs assistant or help but she was like no... i just ..i just  MISSED u! and i wanted to hang out sometimes we dont hang out anymore.. WALLAHE i just was like al7mdullilah al7mdullilah...Allah made me stop crying and i was in smiling mode i cant explain it to u but if u guys follow my blog ill tell u i have حاسة سادسة or 7essah sadesa ya3ni 7esse shishom in Farsi. anywhoo whoo!! lot of things are put in my dreams الأحلام by Allah Sub7anna Wa Ta3ala and they apear the next day. i mean ofcorse the closer i get to Allah SWT the more shei6an 

****if some of u were wondering what al-jahiliyyah means heres a correct meaning from wiki:
is an Islamic concept of "ignorance of divine guidance" or "the state of ignorance of the guidance from God" or "Days of Ignorance"referring to the condition Arabs found themselves in pre-Islamic Arabia, i.e. prior to the revelation of the Qur'an to Muhammad. By extension it means the state of anyone not following Islam and the Qur'an.

 for example : crying after some one has passed away, tears in eyes and a being upset is normal, but screaming and pulling ones hair, and crying exessivly is the act of al-jahiliyyats.. sooo u cant do that is 7aram...its a sin.*****

shokran jazeelan señor wiki, u are awsome! keeping cultures and truths alive!


delgiram va9ean nemidunam chi kar konam..., in ruza cheqadr adam tanhas... mardoma engar avaz shodan ... vaaay akhe cheraa.. nemidunam  Wallah. khalas dige divane shodam majnoona am .... khorshido mikham bar gardunam , hamash birun baruneee hamash e7sasam payeen.. bavar kona believe me , ................in Donya avaz shode va mardomasham tousham avaz shodan....

ana مؤسف means like am sad. regrettable  , i donno what to do...., now-a-days the adam=people are so lonely...it seems like the humanity has changed .. aaaaay but why...i donno...Wallah. tha's it 5alas! i'v gone majnoon now! crazy! i want to make the shams=sun return, outside is always cold and rainy(because of the people who are not 3addi anymore they are strange عجیب غریب you know??) all the time my e7sasat-= my emotions is down like LOW....believe me.....this Donya=world has changed and the people in it as well changed along for the worse....

well well sorry i let my e7sasat (emotions) come infront an catch me...they got to me... i wont let that happen again , my 3mme Roya always tell me; "You did what you could, cause you wrote she a letter & called and she just ignored toi (you in French)" yup she ignored moi (me in French)....oh well... friends come and go....that is my 9essah....(story)

the Picture above says in Farsi: Gerye yare ashna shod, ba chesham ham seda shod" ya3ni crying became a well-known friend of mine, became best friends with my 3yun (EYES)" Shirin=sweet huh??
yup i thought so!
i dont mind crying i think it lets loose of all the emotions u are holding back for example if u keep it in u get hurt even more... u know . my zowji also say that too. after i cried he said. is good u cried. u let ur 9alb out...but dont cry too much over this loss...Allaho 3lem.. Allah knows best. this happen for a reason, Allah didnt think it was Salah that u and she be freinds still. POR ESO!!! in spanish is "For that reason!!!" :)

sorry if i write 1/2 englisi 1/2 Persian Farsi/3rabi honestly i donno any better. it's confusing being Persian 3rab and left khaleejeh Fars at age of 13...am not accepted in Tehran or around full Persian cuz am not Persian enough for them, am not fitted just right in with 3rabs cuz am not full 3rab... is soooooooo confusing walla... i went Tehran and everybody makes fun of me cuz i look different talk different dress different have different tribal things we do and tehrani shomalis dont do and am bandari junubi sonnati khaleejy more 3rabic culture they say is dahati... like villagy style but oh well.... i am who i am i cant change me...

wow delgiram. hameye la7zeh ha ghamginam.,.. kheili az 3omram b fekr in donya, sardam hame ja sarde engar daghoonam..... delgiram hamash ... hamash delam mikhad bargardam delam shode ye zare midunin chi migam????? bazzi oghat rube 9iblah mishinamo gerye mikonam dastamo mibiram bala o az Allah Sub7ana wa Ta3alla mikham k komakam kone, insha'Allah,,,,,dar in la7azat k ma5khouse in 9albe narahate maneeeeeeee.,,, shenidam az 3mmam k va9ti dele kasi shekastas Khoda behesh be do3ahash bishtar goush mikone.....

i FINALLY got a chance to ترجمه this above paragraph BELOW!

wow im feeling down, kolle la7zeh ha i am sad (all the seconds) alot of my 3mr i am in fekr (thoughts of this Donya) of this world, am cold, EVERYWHERE is cold, seems like i am messed up...emotionally...am always down...sad...depressed. im always in the need and search of returnin to peace, do u understand what i mean???? some of the times i sit infront of the 9iblah (for those who donno what 9ibla is if ur not a muslim, is where the direction we all as muslims pray to. rube ka3beh=towards ka3beh, the house of Allah (God) in mecca, Saudi Arabia.) i sit infront of the 9ibla @ times and just cry. i take my hands up in prayer mode make Do3a and ask Allah SWT for favors as in i ask him to help me out, insha'Allah (God willing-i swear ima make a blog just to explain Muslim kalamats to non-Muslims :) I WILL! watch!)  in these moments that is especially designed for my sad broken heart=9alb ...i've heard from my 3mmah="sister of my baba" that when ur heart is broken and upset Allah SWT listens to him/her more to his/her prayers more her Do3a's become mostajab more insha'Allah.


(i honestly don't know how i could make you guys watch this video.... i wanna insert the video from YOUTUBE but i donno how so just type "Ordi Jahanam" by "Pouya Bayati" . it is one of the most amazing esgh8 songs (LOVE) in Persian. maybe i will translate it one day for u and write the lyrics so u know what  is talking bout~!!! it is soo e7sasati.... emotional....u know when he is singing he is singing with e7sasat... realy hurt he is.... this singer he is good ..heres his Picture. AND HIS CD ...well its like  u could lose a friend is still the same feeling u know u lost some one or ur far from some one and this song explains it....in Persian we have a month named "Ordi Behesht" which means "Ordi heaven" something heaven but he changed the esm of the she3r to "Ordi jahannam" meaning "Ordi hell" ya3ni somthing hell... like he's life is hell since she's gone... well my friends gone... and i have same feeling... i cant do anything about it... we made a promise we was sisters 4EVER! but she up and left... nada i can do about it....


(i know i need to remove this and make a seperate blog for it i will i will i promise! Wallah)

 me and my 7BB love this song "Ordi Jahannam" cuz honestly is sooo shirin=sweet cuz when u just chilling and u want a slow song and u got the Persian or Yemeni or French tea that he just brought from Paris, France is called CARAMEL tea is bomb ! am telling u is soo good and we got the 9eliyon shishah الشيشة ready with ma3assel be 6m3 alkhoukh or nargeel or الخوخ أو العنب أو الفراولة أو النعناع أو كابتشينو haha u know all is good :) its just time for chillin and relaxing sitting in ur tekkiyah and korsi and ta5teh and poshti.....

 green was vote for IRAN last year....this album>>>>>
hes actually really ma3roof in IRAN and he also does alot of Deklameh like Poetry kind of with slow music that he writes both.talented.أشعار

sometimes i am so lost i dont even know why Allah placed me on this earth, what am i doing in this Donya...
...everything makes u think...DONT IT????


to be continued 7BB is coming home and needs dinner haha gtg

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